Holding on

As I get older and hear more people’s stories, I am becoming increasingly aware that everyone is struggling with something.  We’re all dealing with junk, even though we do our best to make sure no one knows that.  “Yes!  I have *no* problems.  I’m happy all the time!  Happpeeeeeee!  *cough*”  I think we can all agree that life is rough.  So here’s the question: 

When the bills are overdue or the baby is crying or the teen is rebelling or we’re just plain lonely, when everything is swirling around us and we’re tempted to just let go, give up, let the chaos take us, stop fighting, what do we grab onto?   

Some of us just grit our teeth and survive through sheer force of will.  We dig our nails into the dirt and refuse to let go.

Some of us grab onto others.  Spouses.  Friends.  Children.  Sure, they may get damaged in the process, but we’re afraid to let go, because those people represent the only solid, real thing in our lives.

Some of us reach for knowledge.  If we can only learn enough, know enough, be smart enough, we’re sure everything will be okay in the end.

I’ve done all of those things, and here’s what I’ve discovered:  the fingers in the dirt get tired.  The people in my life will fail me.  The knowledge that I’ve gained is cold comfort when I’m driven to my knees and alone in the dark.

So.  What do I cling to?  I cling to the knowledge that there will be a time when there will be no more pain, no more rejection, no more uncertainty, no more fear.  I look forward to belonging.  I look forward to resting.  I look forward to joy.

Being a Christian isn’t about avoiding hell.  It’s not about going to church or condemnation or being a good person.  My church upbringing taught me to say that Christianity can be distilled to one word:  love.  That’s true, and some days that’s the word I’d use.  But other days it distills to safety.  And other days hope.  Or sweetness.   Or trust.  I trust that there’s someone who sees the big picture and will help me navigate the good and bad in life.  That’s what I hold on to.

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~ by NinjaPrincess on August 12, 2010.

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